Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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