So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
