i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
