ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
where does the pee come out of this thing
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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