Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
