I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And then the night went full on bisexual.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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