dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
