No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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