If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
