If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
