I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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