Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
