Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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