i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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