Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He shit in the fireplace
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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