As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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