R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
