cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Bring me that man meat
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
