I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
