If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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