hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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