first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
