what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
