No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
