Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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