Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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