You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
