Banned from zoo.
Again?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We are all done wearing pants today
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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