I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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