eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
