Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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