Sry I called you an 8
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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