I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
