I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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