drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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