its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
