I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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