burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He shit in the fireplace
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
