We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
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Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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