I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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