Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
