the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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