im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
