As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why do cheetos always look like penises
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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