4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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