I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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