We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
