he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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