i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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