I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
