I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
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FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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