The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
