Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
