Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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