ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
