My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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