No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Found your dick twin last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize