A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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