So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
