my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Two words: blizzard sex
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize