he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
