Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
