u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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