this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
