I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
