i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
